16 Weeks

Hi Friends!

I know it’s been a while. As great of an idea as it is to bring my laptop to work and blog during lunch it only works when I actually get to take my lunch break, which hasn’t been often, recently. 😦

Our computer network has been down for about an hour so I figured it was as good of a time as any to actually take my break today. Want to know what’s even better? The weather is GORGEOUS today! GORGEOUS!!

Today has been pretty positive, aside from the muttering at my desk.  You see, with the system being down, I’m unable to finish a ton of reports that need to be sent out. It’s annoying enough that the system is down, but to top it off I’ve already done these reports once before and our system didn’t have the most up to date information downloaded. I’m not talking about 1 or 2 reports. I’m talking more than 50. Sigh….

Ok, back to the positive. My day began with an awesome sweat session at the gym. I knocked out some cardio and then rocked a weight workout. My face was glistening by the time it was over and done with. Just how I like it!

Over the past week I’ve been rethinking my goals. A few months ago I mentioned wanting to step on stage for a fitness competition and after a bad experience with a trainer I decided to put the goal on the backburner. I took some time to be more balanced and focus on health, opposed to achieving a certain weight/fitness goal.

Well, the itch to achieve that forever dream of mine has been hitting me pretty strong recently. Over the weekend I tweeted to find out how to get connected with a trainer who has competition experience. Through another fitness competitor I found my answer.

I reached out to her recommended trainer last night and received not only quick feedback, but detailed. I’m not sure if I mentioned it, but I continued to get candy coated answers with the last trainer I was using and I was becoming extremely frustrated. I loved that the trainer who responded to me gave feedback, point-by-point, in response to the questions I asked of her. She won major points in my eyes just from one e-mail. She also showed concern as far as what was best for me (Ex: what worked out financially). She would help me make it work depending on what I had to work with. Bonus points for her!

I spoke to Rob about it last night. I believe I began the conversation with “Do you think you’ll kill me if I decided I want to compete again?” LOL. There might have been some eye rolling and the mention that maybe I should just get a dog, but in the end he supports me know matter what I decide to do. He just wants me to be healthy and happy. I might have mentioned to him that they have a couples program, but he exclaimed that after seeing how I workout he wants nothing to do with it. Ha-ha. Hey, go hard or go home, right? 😉

So, after Rob went to bed, I was up until the wee hours of the morning looking over the trainer’s website and the transformation stories there. Before my head hit the pillow I knew what I was going to do. I just had to see what the trainer suggested as to how many weeks it would take me to make the transformation I am looking for.

16 Weeks…

Are you ready to take the ride with me?  I’m so looking forward to seeing the end result!

Hope your first month in the new year got off to a great start for you.  Let’s make the 2nd month even better!! Have any of your goals/resolutions changed now that we’re a month into 2012?  Tell me.  I want to know. 🙂

Kim

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Banana Muffin Meltdown

Hi Friends!

Wednesday again!  I swear, where does the time go?  As I get older time, seems to move faster and faster.  Can we say SCARY?!?!

Lately, so much has been going on in both my personal and professional life that I feel like there’s never time to just breathe and be in the moment.  Luckily, many of those things are positive.  Others, like work stress and Rob’s surgery become a little much to handle at times.

Side Track – Surgery went very smoothly for Rob.  We were at the hospital for 12 hours, but the surgery itself was under 2 hours.  I was happy to see his loving smile in the recovery room.  He was all mushy.  I wish I had a video camera to show him how sweet he was.  He’s still in pain, with limited mobility, but at least the worst is over with (knock on wood).

Back on Track – Lack of sleep and heightened emotions from worry and stress had me very cranky after work yesterday.  I felt like a zombie and food wasn’t very appealing to me.  I had some ripe bananas that I decided I would make banana muffins with, but couldn’t find my whole wheat flour for the life of me.  Rob saw me searching cabinets and the freezer multiple times.  I know it is somewhere in that kitchen.  Where it is, I have no clue….

Anyway, the banana was already mashed and in the bowl, along with some all-purpose flour.  After 10 minutes of searching the entire thing just got dumped into the garbage.  I didn’t have the energy to deal with something so unimportant, in the grand scheme of things.  I could have made the muffins with what I had, but I was so annoyed with not being able to find the whole wheat flour, after a day of annoying situations at work, that the best solution for me was to trash everything.

I then made myself a quick omelet and cuddled up to Rob for the rest of the night.  He’s still in so much pain.  It’s hurts me to see what he’s going through and not be able to take the pain away for him.  I feel like I’m constantly hovering around him, but at least he knows that I care. 😉

The last thing I wanted to do this morning was wake up extra early to make it to a training session at the gym.  I wouldn’t allow myself to back out and was proud of myself once it was all over and done with.  The trainer doesn’t want me losing any more weight.  Now, we’re focusing on “toning” up and building some muscle.  Of course, this means I really need to work on upping my calories (the hardest part for me….of all things).

I’m looking forward to this week being over and taking the weekend to be with Rob and also to take some much-needed “Me Time”.  All the go, go, GO has really been wearing me out and I feel like I might have a breakdown….literally.

Ok, time to get some more work done.  A little less than 4 hours left here.  Can’t wait to be on my way back home!

Wishing you a Wonderful Wednesday!

Kim

When “No” Becomes “Yes”

Hi Guys!

Middle of the week….I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Even better?  I was asked yesterday to attend an advanced PowerPoint class on behalf of my company, so I’ll be out of the office on Monday for training.  It’s always nice to get out of the office to switch things up a bit.  Doing new things is also good for someone like me who tends to stick to what they know and never venture out of the norm.  There’s no turning back now.  I’m excited for something new and also to add more to my skill base.  It never hurts, that’s for sure.

This morning started off with an early gym session to pump out a functional workout.  My core and shoulders will be loving and hating me at about the same time.  I can’t begin to tell you the changes I’ve seen in my core since adding functional workouts to my routine.  This is the first time EVER that I’ve actually seen things changing for the positive with my own two eyes and also realize that what I’m looking to achieve is within my reach.

I have to tell you that besides the stress I’ve been going through recently, I’m in a happy mood today.  My stressors are things that can be fixed.  Now might not be the time to fix them, but at least I can try to stay positive knowing that I’m not stuck forever.  Instead, I’m trying to focus on all of the good in my life.  Sometimes, in the moment, you forget what’s really important in life, like your health, the people you love and all of the struggles you’ve encountered on your journey that you actually tackled.

Within the past year I’d say that I’ve come a long way.  My disordered eating patterns have changed drastically for the better (not perfect yet, but much, MUCH better than they had been) and I’ve definitely grown as a person.  I’m still shy compared to most others, but I’m breaking certain barriers that I once had.

At one time, if a person told me “No” I would take it at face value.  Now, I’ve learned to push the envelope a bit and question “Why?”  I’ve learned that communication is key and sometimes you have to explain yourself in order to turn that “no” into a “yes”.

If you remember, about a month ago, I mentioned that I tried an online training program, but it seemed to be “One Size Fits All“.  They didn’t seem to want to budge with the program they were giving others, which upset me because we are all unique and need different things for success, just like each child learns a different way in school.  The teacher wouldn’t ask the student to adapt to a style that doesn’t work for them.  Instead, the teacher would try to incorporate different methods of teaching so that each individual child could learn the same concept in their own way (at least, that’s what a good teacher would do).

I was honestly bummed because I’ve seen others who have had so much success with the program and I was really hard on myself for not being able to be one of those successes.  I knew the method wasn’t healthy for me though, so I told the company that I was going to have to stop. 

The trainer reached out to me and tried to explain her reasoning for doing things their way.  In turn, I responded with what this crazy mind of mine does why I needed things a different way.  Do you know what happened?  The trainer came back to me letting me know that they would work with my needs.  YAY!  🙂

It turns out that they thought I would have problems, knowing my eating disorder history, with the program I was asking for.  My reasoning helped them to see that the method I was asking for would actually help me.  They told me to always be honest with them and let them know if I’m having any eating issues.  They want me to achieve my fitness goals in the healthiest way possible.

Sometimes, you have to push in order to receive.  I think good ol’ Rob has rubbed off on me a bit.  😉  He pushes for what he wants in life and most times he gets what he wants.  If you don’t ask you’ll never know what might be possible.

Ok, back to work I go.  I hope this Wednesday is treating you well.  Only a few more days until the weekend!

Kim

What Would You Do?

Hi Guys!

We made it to Wednesday and I’m still trucking along over here.  As I cross each day off the calendar, before I leave the office, I feel a little bit of stress being lifted off my shoulders because I’m one day closer to my coworker returning. 🙂

I’ve been dealing with a multitude of conflicting decisions lately.  Mainly, I’m trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up.  Seeing as I’m 32, I’d say it’s about time to figure it out, don’t you?  😉

The problem is that I have so many passions that keep pulling me in opposing directions.  I’m trying to find creative ways to combine them all.  All it takes is time (which I don’t have much of lately) and money (not rolling in dough, you know). 

In my heart, I know that I’m meant to do more than sit at a desk in an office all day.  While I love being able to help others and gain a great deal of satisfaction when I accomplish certain tasks, I know there’s something missing.  I don’t think that I went through everything that I have to not be helping others in their journey to finding health, wellness & balance in their lives.  Maybe my blog can serve some purpose in that, but I’m really hoping to be able to advise others one day. 

My other passion would be baking.  Growing up, I was always more artistic than athletic.  I remember taking an art class when I had to leave college for a semester because of my health.  My mom thought that I should do something with my time so that I wasn’t just moping around at home.  I set to work sketching and one day the instructor looked over at me from the other side of the table and commented on how nice the water looked in my sketch.  She then asked if I knew I could draw that way.  My response was that I thought everyone could do that.  I’ve never had enough confidence or faith in myself to see my potential.  I’ve always been one to criticize my own weaknesses, unfortunately. 

The good thing is that I’m finally surrounded with very supportive people.  My family has always been a constant.  Even though everyone has their own struggles to deal with we come together in important times (and now many more happy times).  Rob has given me so much in the year that I’ve known him.  For once I feel very safe and supported in my relationship.  Then, there are the friends I’ve met through the blogging community and those like my trainer who see within me what I sometimes don’t see in myself.  Like I’ve said many times before, I am my own worst enemy.

Anyway, I got a little off track there.  Where I was going with the art class is that my artistic abilities comes through in my baking.  Not only do I love creating delicious desserts, but my favorite part is putting the finishing touches onto my creations.  Sprinkles aren’t just randomly thrown onto my desserts, my friends.  Each one is specifically placed to be appealing to the eye.

Of course, being someone who has a bit of a sweet tooth and who has also battled weight; over the years I’ve come to find healthier substitutions to full-fat, high-cal treats.  Sometimes the real thing is totally worth it and others not so much.  I’d love to share my ideas with others and let them see that it’s all about balance and you truly can treat yourself….every day, even. 😉

What would you do if you had passions that lie outside of the corporate world?  How would you go about following your dreams while still being able to pay the bills?  My mom suggested that I wait until the new year to pursue things.  My car lease is up in November, so a car with lower payments will be helpful in reaching my goals.

Believe it or not, my post originally wasn’t going to pertain to the above.  I guess it’s been on my mind and I feel stuck. Ugh. 😦  Anyway, what I intended to ask was more to do with purchasing personal training sessions.

My last free session that came with my membership will be quickly used up next Wednesday morning.  The gym offers a 20 session package for $599 and a 40 session package for $1099.  Since I don’t have a money tree growing in my back yard, I’m wondering if I should hold off on a purchase. 

I see the sessions as an investment in my health.  I really think that James can get my body to where I’d like it to be through our functional training workouts.  He pushes me to do more than I’d be able to do on my own.  He’s also careful to show me exercises that are manageable with my knee problems.

On the other hand, do you know what I could be doing with $599?   I need new clothes!  My sister is getting married next summer and I’m in the wedding, so I know there will be expenses associated with that.  Once I turn my car in, I’m sure I’ll have to put some money down.  Also, what about those career passions I mentioned just a few minutes ago?  Should I put that money toward them?  Aaaahhhh!  What would you do? 

Ok, enough rambling for today.  This chick has to get back to work!

Hope you have a wonderful day!  Let me know, what would you do?

Kim

Making My Way Through The Craziness

Friends!

How are you?!?! I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve been able to write more than a few words. 

Let me start off by saying that work is ABSOLUTELY CRAZY right now!  Yesterday started off with a tantrum at the house with Rob following me around like a puppy that was sad for its owner.  He gave me lots of hugs and then sent me on my way.  I pouted the entire drive with tears streaming down my cheeks.  More tears followed when a coworker stopped by my cubicle to see how I was doing.  I tried to be strong and say I was fine, but I’m a horrible liar and she saw right through me.  When she said, “you don’t seem fine” the tears started flowing again.  After a pep talk with her I was feeling a little better and got down to business.  

Have you ever been so overwhelmed by work that you’re almost paralyzed?  You don’t know where to even start?  That’s how I felt yesterday.  There are so many random projects I’m working on, but it’s more my coworker’s work that has me stressed.  I don’t mind working hard.  Not. One. Bit!  It’s more that there are so many unanswered questions with her work and I don’t know the background behind it in order to make the best judgement. 

I just have to breathe.  The 31st will be here soon enough and then I took September 1st & 2nd off to enjoy the long Labor Day weekend.  We might even take a trip somewhere so stay tuned. Fingers crossed for some great beach weather.  😉   

Anyway, it is what it is and I’m trying not to let it get to me.  The only thing that got me through yesterday was knowing that I planned something just for me at the end of the day.  I had another session with my trainer and let me tell you it was just what I needed!  I walked into the session like Debbie Downer and walked out with much higher spirits.  The sessions are only 30 minutes but they whip my ass!  We do a bunch of functional training and James also helps in stretching me out.  I feel like my posture has improved after only 3 sessions! 

I felt like I could have been a contestant on the Biggest Loser last night.  James had me whipping ropes, throwing balls, lifting kettle bells, using the TRX system, balancing on stability balls and using the rowing machine in-between.  For someone who has always felt like the strong girl in the gym, I sure felt like a weakling last night. 😉  My afternoon snack literally almost made its way back up, but I held it down.  After my session I had to lie down for about an hour before I could down anything.

I can honestly say that I could feel that I needed to eat more.  I think it was the first time that I realized how important it is to fuel yourself with enough good calories because of how I felt during the workout.  Everyone has been telling me to eat more, but this was the first time my body felt the damage of not eating enough.  I’m working on it, friends.  Today I brought extra food with me to do just that.  I added a protein shake between breakfast and lunch.  My stomach is still full, but I’m hoping that by the time I’m finished with desk coverage my belly will be hungry for lunch.  If not, I’m just going to add some higher calorie (healthy) foods into the mix. 

James told me to just try it for 2 weeks and see what happens.  He promises all good things and I’m willing to take the chance.  A little bit of fear sneaks in from time to time.  Fear that the extra calories will make me gain weight and all of my hard work will be for nothing.  My fear of gaining at this point in time is mostly because I have a bunch of fun events coming up in the near future.  My sister’s engagement party is next month and we’ll be going bridesmaid dress shopping in October.  I also have two weddings I’ll be attending this fall along with all of the fun things that surround weddings (bridal parties, bachelorette parties, etc). 

I know adding the calories is the answer to my problems though. I just have to have faith!  I mean, what damage could I really do in two weeks, right?  Rob’s response to me was, “You’ve been doing it your way for over a decade and you aren’t happy.  Why don’t you try someone elses way for a change?” You know what?  He’s right! 🙂

So, that’s the story, friends.  In 10 short minutes I’ll be sitting back at my desk, hidden behind piles of papers, spreadsheets and more folders than I know what to do with.  I’m going to try to catch up on some other blogs since I’ve been such a bad blog friend lately.

Have a great day!

Kim

One Size Doesn’t Fit All

Hey There!

  How’s this Tuesday treating you?  Mine has been pretty good so far, but anxiety is starting to set in.  Remember a few weeks back when I mentioned I’d be covering for a coworker while she’s in Italy for 2 weeks?  Well, the time has come my friends.  She leaves tomorrow afternoon and will return on the 30th.

It isn’t that I mind the extra work.  In fact, not one bit.  It’s more that I’m nervous about making a mistake.  You know, me and that perfectionist tendency of mine. 😉  The past 2 days coworkers have commented about my facial expression here.  They’re asking if I’m ok. Haha.  I don’t mean to wear my feelings on my face.  Usually, I’m able to pretty easily hide fear/sadness/anger with a smile.  I guess I’m really letting this get to me and I have to stop.  I know that I’m capable and I would never knowingly let something fall through the cracks.  I’m going to take it one step at a time and after the two weeks are over with I’ll have even more skills to add to my ever-growing resume.

Now that I got the worry off of my shoulders let’s take a look at some positive things.  Rob and I are really in cleaning mode.  We tackled a few more tasks last night, which ended with more closet space for yours truly.  Believe me, I need it!  I had winter jackets taking up an entire corner of the guest room.  Now, they’re all neatly hung and out of the way.  I can’t tell you how much better that makes me feel.

I started, Catching Fire, the 2nd book in the Hunger Games trilogy last night. 

From the first sentence, I fell right back into the pace of Suzanne Collins’ writing style and immersed myself back into the life of Katniss Everdeen.  I only tore myself away from my kindle when it was time for lights out.

Only two short (I hope) hours to go and I’ll be on my way home.  It’s my boss’ birthday tomorrow and I’m hoping to whip up some cupcakes to bring in for him.  I also need to get decent sleep since I have my first full training session tomorrow.  I’m excited!  🙂

I sent my trainer a food log for the past few days and also went more into depth with my eating/weight history.  I’m trying to determine if I will buy a pack of sessions with him and that will all depend on how much effort he puts into me.  I don’t want a one size fits all program.  I want one specific to my own needs and from what I learned last Friday it seems like that’s exactly what I’m going to get.

I didn’t speak about this on the blog, but recently I tried to go the online training route. Even though I explained the issues that I had/have they didn’t want to budge with their system.  I knew the program would only result in binge issues down the road.  In fact, I did have a major problem one weekend when Rob was away and I told myself “NO MORE”.  My health is more important to me than trying to live with a certain program just because others are and I am no longer going to subject myself to things that I know aren’t the right fit.  I beat myself up for not being as strong-willed as I would have liked, but then I allowed myself to move on.  No one program is right for everyone.  I’ve tried this program a number of times (I’m very persistent)and it ends up horribly for me each time.  So, I’m finally listening to my inner voice and finding what WILL work for me. 

We are each unique. Never belittle yourself for not being able to do something the way another person is able to.  One size doesn’t fit all.  Find what works for YOU!

That’s all folks!  Time to get back to my work.

  • Do you have any fabulous cupcake recipes to share?  I’m trying to decide what to make for my boss.
  • Have you ever found yourself in a situation where something that seemed to work for others didn’t work for you?  What route did you end up taking to reach your goal?

I look forward to hearing from you! 🙂

Kim

Getting Off the Merry-Go-Round

Happy Friday, Friends!

I can’t explain how happy I am that less than a full workday separates me from my weekend.  I’m doing the Friday Happy Dance in my chair right now. Woot! Woot! 🙂

I was groggy when I woke up this morning and my stomach wasn’t feeling just right.  Normally, I would roll over and give myself that extra hour of sleep before getting ready for work, but I had an appointment at the gym and wasn’t going to miss it. 

Remember when I was stood up by that trainer about a month ago?  If not, you can read about it here & here.  About a week later she called with a sorry excuse of an explanation as to why she didn’t show.  I knew she was lying.  Have I mentioned how much I detest lies?  I’d rather hear the truth than know that you’re trying to pull the wool over my eyes.  She simply could have said that she had forgotten the appointment, but she didn’t.  Everyone makes mistakes.  I would have accepted that and moved on.  After hearing her excuse on my voicemail, I pressed the delete button and never called back.

On Wednesday, one of the guys at the front desk approached me during my warm-up asking if I was going to take my free sessions.  I briefly told him what happened and he promised that he was going to set me up with the best trainer they have.  Before leaving the gym, I was introduced to James and was given an appointment for this morning.

After speaking with him for the first few minutes this morning, I knew he was the right fit for my training needs.  People tend to think I’m younger than I really am (very thankful for my genes) and always try to hand me off to the newbie trainers.  Most times, I know more than they do.  I explain “THIS HAS BEEN MY LIFE FOR YEARS!”  As I responded to James’ questions his eyebrows started to arch up.  He acknowledged that I know my stuff and that he’s going to bring me to that next level that I’ve been trying to reach.

Remember when I had my knee problems (You can find some posts about it herehere & here)? Ever since then I’ve been deathly afraid of doing something wrong in the gym to make my knees flare up again.  Just a few weeks ago I started to slowly add lower body exercises into the mix.  I never run because I’m afraid of what the impact might do, but have been doing other forms of cardio.  I explained my fears and James told me how we’re going to correct the problem.  I’m excited!

Another fear of mine deals with the nutrition aspect of things.  I told James a little bit about my weight history.  We went over my meals and I impressed him with my tuna salad recipe.  Fat free greek yogurt , mixed in with a lil mustard, to add some creaminess and a zing?  Yes please! 😉  I’d take it over mayo any day of the week!

After hearing me out, he told me what I already know deep down.  He told me that I’m not eating enough.  I know that this is the root of all of my problems.  It’s why I never have enough energy, it’s why I have hit a plateau with my weight loss, it’s why I haven’t been making gains with my lifts and it’s why I eventually end up binging.  I have an honest fear about upping calories, but I know it’s what I must do.  With James’ guidance I’m going to up my cals and hopefully see the results I’ve been searching for.  I’m truly scared, but I know it must be done.  If not, I’m going to end up in the same cycle I’ve been on for years.  It’s a ride I wouldn’t wish on anyone and I want out!  I’m getting off this merry-go-round and never looking back!

What’s something that’s a true fear of yours that isn’t a second thought to someone else?  My food fears have been a struggle for as long as I can remember.  I’m much better now with adding variety and some fun to my meals.  I’m a work in progress.  My mom fears driving on the highway.  We all have our thing. 😉

Kim