Tug-of-War

Hi Friends!

Happy Friday to you!!  I can’t begin to tell you how happy I am that only 6 ½ hours are separating me from the weekend.  🙂

The week actually flew by.  I felt very productive and MUCH better than I did last week.  Even though the bug was on its way out it was time for my monthly friend (we’ll call her Sally) to pay a visit, which absolutely drained me. 

As I get older my symptoms seem to get worse and worse.  I used to think people were joking when they spoke about PMS.  One of my roommates in college would have to lay in her bed, gathered up in a ball for the first few days.  My symptoms were always very mild….until a couple of years ago.  With all the crying you hear me speaking about you know I’m an emotional person, but the week before and during my friend my emotions are heightened 10 fold.  This time, I have been very calm, but the exhaustion is really getting to me.  Last night, all I could do was lay down when I got home from work.  One look at me and Rob said that we would just order in.  He knows how it affects me.  It probably doesn’t help that I have low iron in general, which we found out after some blood work last week.

So, we each enjoyed our favorite salads from our favorite go-to restaurant while watching tv.  I spent the remainder of the night falling in and out of sleep as I was cuddled up to Rob watching our shows.  I can’t wait for Sally to be on her way.  I haven’t had energy in almost two weeks now.  I’m ready to be back to normal!

Aside from all that, this week has actually been a good one.  My work load has been pretty tame (knock on wood) and I was able to take my lunch break a few times this week (always a good thing).  My position here allows me to dabble in a bunch of different types of projects, which keeps my mind busy on positive things and also helps in building my skills. 

Unfortunately, my mind has been working overtime and I’ve been having some issues with ED mentality lately.  I’ve been calculating a lot and focusing more on calories and food than I should be.  I mentioned it to Rob last night and I don’t think he quite understood what I meant, even though he was very sincere and gave me thoughtful answers.  I was also half asleep when I was telling him, so things might not have been expressed as clearly as I would have liked.  I’m thinking about possibly seeing a nutritionist to see if that might help.  There always seems to be an inner struggle with me and ED.  Sometimes it’s an easy win for me and others it’s an all out TUG-of-WAR. 

I’m determined to win in the end though!

Even with my mental struggle this week, there was actually a moment as I was walking down one of the corridors at work that I felt a moment at peace.  I shut my eyes for that split second and know that I smiled.  I’m not quite sure what brought it on, but I was feeling thankful for all of the good in my life.  I work for a great company amongst some friendly & sincere people, I have a wonderful family (with a mother I cherish), and the best boyfriend (who loves & supports me….my partner).  For whatever reason, at that moment it all hit me and it was powerful enough for me to close my eyes, smile and relish the moment.  Luckily for me there was no one else in the hallway at that time. 😉

Those good things are what I have to keep at the forefront of my mind.  Those are the things that will matter when I’m old and gray, sitting on a porch swing somewhere, one day.  I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

Ok, I best be getting back to work.  I hope this Friday goes quickly for you and that the weekend brings you only wonderful things!

Kim

Paralyzed

Hey There,

  How’s your weekend going?  Mine has been great so far.  It’s been a mix of working out, errands, housework and fun.  I know you don’t want to hear about my scrubbing the bathrooms or my 1 1/2 hour trip to the grocery store yesterday so we’ll just cover some of the fun.

Around 5 PM yesterday evening, Rob and I returned to home base from doing our dutiful chores and completing our Saturday agendas.  We were busy bees yesterday, folks.  Just seeing him walk up to the sliding glass back door brought a huge smile to my face.  He says that my eyes shine when I see him.  I believe it!  I love that man so much!

Anyway, enough of the mushy stuff!  We decided on a dinner and movie date night and hurriedly got cleaned up to go out.  We went to one of our favorite restaurants, La Bottega.  It’s simple, quick and right down the street from us.  I love their salads.  My usual go to is the Susan Salad:

“Susan Salad” 
Chicken cutlet, mixed greens, red onions, hot peppers, corn, gorgonzola, tomatoes and balsamic  

I swap the chicken cutlet with grilled chicken and the hot peppers with sweet roasted peppers and I’m a happy gal!

Rob usually gets some sort of soup.  He LOVES soup!  Then, it’s either a meatball parm panini or the spinaci salad with grilled chicken:

“Spinaci”
Baby spinach, ciabatta croutons, black olives, walnuts,
white mushrooms, goat cheese and balsamic dressing

I’m sure by now they already know what we’re ordering when they see us.  We sometimes order take out from them and I swear the girl knows my voice and what I’m going to say.  Hey, at least we’re easy.  😉

We ate until our bellies were happy and then headed out to the movies.  We had decided on X-Men First Class and were quite happy with our decision.

My butt felt numb with the way I slumped in my seat for the majority of the movie.  It was worth it though.

At that point it was still pretty early.  We made it home, got into comfy clothes, and retired to the bedroom to watch another movie before bed.  I forget the name of it now, but it was a little on the gruesome side.  All in all, it was a wonderful Saturday night!

Now, maybe it was the movie right before bed or maybe it’s things that have been weighing on my mind, but I woke up this morning feeling exhausted.  Rob gave me a hug and asked if I had a nightmare last night because I was yelling out in my sleep.  I feel like I’ve been having a lot of bad dreams lately.  I wake up an my jaw is clenched.  Since I don’t normally watch gruesome movies before bed I’m going to have to go with option B.  I’ve been under a lot of stress lately and I think it’s getting to me.  I feel PARALYZED!

Rob has an exciting day with his brother planned and I have a list of things I want to do.  However, I couldn’t get moving this morning.  I drove to the gym, hung out in the parking lot for about 5 minutes and then returned home.  I just didn’t have it in me.  I decided to brew some coffee and make a breakfast I haven’t had in ages.  I excitedly got the ingredients out to make my famous whole wheat blueberry pancakes. YUM!!

Stacked!

Can’t Wait!

Blueberries Gallore…

 
 
Side of Whites w/ Cracked Pepper, for my protein fix
 

Can’t Forget Joe…

I Look So Serious…It’s The Anxiety, I Tell Ya

I clearly must have hated it, finger licked syrup and all.

 
 
My home cooked, comfort food helped in easing my stomach and I don’t feel quite as paralyzed anymore.  I won’t lie.  The knot is still sitting right in the middle of my stomach.  I think it’s fear of the work week beginning again.
 
Now, I’m going to clean my mess up and head out to pamper myself a bit.  I’m thinking maybe a mani/pedi will do the trick.  I also want to get that workout in that I held out on this morning.
 
I hope you’re having a great weekend!
 
Kim