Why “Imperfectly Perfect”?

Hey Guys!  Hope your Saturday is treating you well, so far!  It’s a beautiful day here, in CT.  I can’t wait to get out into that sunshine!!  Before I do, I figured I should explain how I came up with the name of my blog.

If there were a picture of a perfectionist in the dictionary my goofy mug would be plastered there.  For so many years (most of my life), I’ve let my perfectionism get in the way of reaching my goals.  If I didn’t quite like how I looked I wouldn’t go to an event.  Heck, I even stopped going to school for a semester because I didn’t want others to see me.  Even if I’m writing a simple note on a post-it and I don’t like the way my handwriting looks the post-it goes in the trash and i try again…..until it is “just right”.  Sometimes I see how silly my thoughts are and I give myself a kick in the tush to stop the insanity, but other times it definitely does get the best of me.  My perfectionism has held me back from so many experiences.  In fact, I feel that I lost most of my 20s to it.  I have many regrets, but I do know that I can change this.  I don’t need to look back on my 30s and feel the same way.

Where did this all start for me?  I believe it started in childhood.  My dad is all about image and I most definitely didn’t fit his “ideal” image, at that time.  That could be in my head, but that’s the way that he made me feel.  I never felt that I was quite good enough for him.  It always seemed that he had me on some diet or another.  I felt that he spent more attention on my friends, than me.  Heck, even when I weighed 90lbs and decided I was going to have fried rice for dinner one night he said, “You know, you should be having brown rice.”  I think my mother killed him a hundred times that night, with the look of death from across the dinner table.  So, feeling that I didn’t meet his ideal image, my perfectionism spread to other areas like my school work and other things that I could “control”.  If I couldn’t perform a task in a manner that I considered perfect I would stop or not try at all.  If my eating wasn’t perfect, on a given day, I would sometimes go on a downward spiral with a binge…feeling even worse for it, in the end.

I think that we all see ourselves differently than the way the outside world does.  I had people at my last company tell me that they are happy when they see that I am.  They would walk by my desk when they were having a bad day because I made them feel better, just from my smiling at them.  People comment on my looks and I sometimes shrug those comments off even though they secretly make me feel good.  What matters most to me is what people see in my heart.  It’s a big one and I wear it right out on that sleeve of mine.  Looks will come and go, but I’ll always have my heart.  I’ve finally realized that I have to cut myself a break.  We only have one life and I want to make the most of what’s left of mine.  None of us is perfect, but we are our perfect selves, imperfections and all.

Since I spent so much time over the past few decades beating myself up for what I felt I wasn’t, I missed out on many experiences.  At times, I’m still trying to find myself.  My mind used to be consumed by the number on the scale or the calories that I was eating, instead of on more meaningful things.  I saw writing this blog as an opportunity to let my creative juices flow.  I want to travel (haven’t been on vacation in over 12 years and have NEVER been out of the country), I want to meet new people, I want to learn new things (photography, wine, decorating, etc), I want to do some volunteer work and maybe even make a difference in someone’s life because they can relate to me and know that they aren’t alone.

Be back later with a recap of my day!  Hope you enjoy yours!!

Kim

Welcome to Imperfectly Perfect!

What brought me to this moment?  This moment where I thought it would be a SPECTACULAR idea to put my thoughts, quirks, tears, smiles, struggles, triumphs, imperfections and strengths out into this little thing known as the World Wide Web.  Well, it all started a little over a year ago, while I was inconsistently journaling on a fitness site.  While reading another girl’s journal, I stumbled across the link to something called a blog – something I was unfamiliar with, at the time. That blog happened to be Gina’s and my life would never be the same.  I was instantly addicted and my love affair of reading healthy living blogs began.  My blog perusing spread to others, such as the blogs of Tina, Caitlin, Jenna, Meghann and Janetha; however, I read so many that there are too many to even mention right here.

Being stuck in a job that was going nowhere fast – a job that allowed me to constantly surf the web for 9+ hours a day, you can only imagine how much blog reading I accomplished.  I’d say I hit at least 30-40 blogs on an average day.  Thank goodness for them though.  I don’t know how I would have survived those 9 hours of torture without them to occupy me.  At that time, I was feeling lost in my own life, yet I was reading about these wonderful women who were making something of themselves.  They were meeting new people, making a difference in the community, touching others’ lives (probably without even realizing it sometimes), using their creative talents, being inspirations, experiencing what the world has to offer and accomplishing wonderful things (Ex: races, book deals, raising money for worthy causes, etc.).  Yet, there I sat; day after day, in an environment that could best be described as toxic for my health.  Over time, a spark lit within me.  I knew there was more to me than what I was allowing myself to be.  I was in a vicious cycle of hating my life, becoming depressed and unmotivated, and then finding the strength to rise from it all.  Something needed to be done and I was the only one that could do it. 

Three weeks ago I started a new job.  I feel so much more fulfilled and my days go by in a flash!  I don’t get to read as much of my beloved blogs, but I still get to check in to my faves.  My heart has always wanted to get myself into nutrition, in some form or another.  If you read my story you’ll know why.  So, along with my full time job, I’ve decided to start this blog of my very own.  I’m also studying to get my certification as a health and wellness consultant.  I’ll be able to bring home the bacon, while still enjoying a passion of mine.  Sounds great to me!

If you haven’t guessed from the name of my blog, I’m a perfectionist.  I also tend to be a pleaser.  Both of these things combined can sometimes lead to disaster.  I definitely am my own worst enemy, at times, but I’m learning.  There’s a great quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson that says, “Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one’s own sunshine.”  That is me, to a T, but this girl is ready to move out of her own way!

Well, I think this first post is long enough.  Don’t want to bore you, just yet.  😉  When I return, I’ll go more into depth about my blog title and some of my history.  Basically, this blog is the journey of a girl learning to LIVE life again, in a balanced & healthy way.  I’ll be working at being consistent in my fitness endeavors, pushing myself out of my comfort zone, making yummy eats, and living life to its fullest! 

Thanks for reading and I look forward to getting to know you!! 🙂

PS: Bare with me as I discover the ins and outs of WordPress and pull my camera out from hibernation.  I promise there with be lots of pics!  I know I love seeing them in other blogs and there will be a fair share of them here too!