Making The Effort to Let Go & Release Control

Hey There,

We made it to the mid-week hump!  Still moving like molasses here, but at least there are less days remaining to the work week than those that need to be worked.  Another plus?  This is a long weekend for me with our office being closed on Monday. Hurray!

This is only my second day of blogging from my car and I can already tell you that it’s been a great outlet for me.  Stepping away from that desk of mine and the craziness inside the office does a world of good.  I feel like a load is lifted off of my shoulders.

Right before I headed out here I received an e-mail from a coworker that annoyed me.  Steam blew through my ears, I vented to a coworker friend of mine and told her “With that I’m off to my car!”  She laughed and told me to run.

I have to say, if not for anything I’ve made two true friends while working here.  I’ve also picked up a lot of knowledge for future use, if you get what I mean.  The friendships are most important to me though.  Those two friends have gotten me through many tough days.  Then, they’d send me off to Rob, who they knew would help in mending the wounds of the day.

Anyway, I couldn’t sleep last night.  If you follow me on twitter you know that I got an iPhone 4s yesterday.  Between the excitement of setting it up and also drinking a Starbucks’ Venti  Awake tea an hour before bedtime (smart, right?) my eyes just wouldn’t close.  I gave Rob a kiss (he was already out of it) and headed back to the living room to watch a few shows I had saved on the DVR (The Vampire Diaries & The Secret Circle, if you must know.)

Yes, I’m a wannabe teenager. 😉  I love The Vampire Diaries, but I’m not sure how I’m feeling about The Secret Circle right now.  Time will tell though.

Close to 2 AM my eyelids started drooping.  At this point my stomach was feeling off.  I slept on and off until 5:45 AM, when my alarm sounded to get up for my training session at the gym.  I SO didn’t feel like getting up, but I did.  The trainer ended up being late AGAIN!  I think he knows I’m getting tired of it.

People tend to take advantage of my kindness, but if you push me to a certain point you don’t even know what’s coming at you.  The wrath of Kim.  I think the roll of my eyes this morning gave him an inkling that I’m nearing the end of my rope.  Anyway, whenever he does show we have a great session and this didn’t disappoint.  I walked out feeling like I’d gotten something accomplished before my day truly got started.

Today, I wanted to touch upon a little something I mentioned yesterday.  I quickly stated that I had no resolutions regarding weight loss and that’s true.  I don’t remember a year where weight loss hasn’t been a goal of mine.  Honestly, I’m in a good place right now with my weight.  Would I be happy if I lost a pound or two?  I’m not going to lie, I would, but I’m not focusing on it.

After so many years of abusing my body and mentally draining myself with calculations and macronutrient counts I realized that I was just plain over it.  To focus so long and hard on something and have it get me nowhere just isn’t worth it.  I know I’ve said it before, but I’m my own worst enemy.  I’m my own worst critic, as well.

So, I decided about a month ago that I wasn’t going to let this defeat me any longer.  I had to make the effort to let go & release control.  I joined Weight Watchers online because I felt like it would allow me to feel safe with my eating while learning balance and moderation.  I’ve gone to such extremes in the past that I rarely ever enjoy food.  I don’t remember what many things taste like (because I made them off-limits to myself) and going to restaurants or other people’s houses became be traumatic events for me.  I don’t want this for myself, Rob, my family or my future children.  I want to live in the moment, enjoy life and maybe even enjoy a piece of cake if I so choose.

Mmm....Cake

I want to be able to share an ice cream cone with Rob on a random Sunday, after a day of boating.

Usually, I’m the person in the group saying that they’ll only have an iced coffee or something calorie free.  We only get one life and we should enjoy special moments.

The point is, I needed my mind to be clear from the restrictions I inflicted on it.  I tend to eat mostly healthy as it is, but if I choose to enjoy a special treat every so often I should be able to….WITHOUT guilt.  Weight Watchers has been great for me and I look forward to defeating my eating issues by continuing with it.

Errr….it’s about that time again.  Time to head back inside for a few more hours.  You can bet I’ll be racing out as quickly as possible to make it home and spend some cuddle time with my man. 🙂

I hope you’re having a good day!


Kim

What steps you’re taking to work on issues you deal with?

Would you like to see some of my typical daily eats?

I want to know.  Let me hear from you. 🙂

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8 thoughts on “Making The Effort to Let Go & Release Control

  1. Hi Kim! I’m such a wannabe teenager as far as tv watching! Vampire Diaries is my guilty pleasure along with One Tree Hill…lol. I’m 32 years old, but my tv habits would say I’m really 15. 🙂

    I too started the New Year without any weight to lose really (thank goodness), but after YEARS of the vicious dieting cycle, it’s kind of weird. I definitely would not be upset about losing a pound or 2, but it’s not my focus. My problem is with binging. When I get sad, upset, lonely, bored, anxious, happy, celebratory – anything in either direction – up or down, I eat. Even if I indulge in something decadent that I don’t normally eat, then I eat more. This year, I’m really looking for balance. Any suggestions?

    • Hi Shannon! I’m watching my DVR’d episode of One Tree Hill right now. 😉 I think the shows bring me back in time and they’re mindless entertainment, which I definitely need after a day at the office. I know we aren’t the only ones. 🙂

      I can definitely relate to your binge issues because I struggle with the same thing. I don’t know how long you’ve struggled or if you restrict food, so it’s a little hard to say. I’m finding what’s been helping me lately is filling my life with things that I really enjoy and also not being so focused on the specifics (macro values) of each and every food I put in my mouth. The other night, for the first time in what seems like forever, I was able to be alone watching tv with my mind at peace. Rob had gone to sleep and my eyes were wide open. Normally, this would be a time where my mind would turn to what I could binge on, but for some reason it didn’t. I was totally content and I didn’t realize it until I was heading to bed. Over the years I’ve found that my binge issues stem from two separate things. Part of my issue is being so restrictive that eventually my body just can’t take it anymore and it leads to a binge. I think the other part is because I tend to stuff my feelings inside, in order to make others happy when maybe I’m not happy myself. The binge is a time where I completely zone out and I don’t have to care/think/worry about anything else. Allowing myself, through Weight Watchers, to be more balanced with my eats has definitely made a difference for me.

      Definitely e-mail me at perfect.imperfectly@gmail.com if you’d like to talk in further detail. You aren’t alone. Maybe if I knew more specifics I could be more helpful to you. Good luck! I’m here if you need me. Wishing you all the best!

  2. This is an amazing post. I felt like we were sitting at a coffee shop talking. First, I am sorry to hear about your work situation. Don’t let negative life vampire suckers drain your joy. Keep you head high.

    Weight Watchers is an amazing company but you’ve said so many smart things about your weight and I truly think you’re on the right track. You CAN do all the things you want to do, letting go you will realize and reprioritize the things you really hold dear. I’m super excited for you.

    And to the trainer who was late, you should ask for a % of your money back. What kind of example are they setting? I know we all have our days, but it’s there job to be there on time.

    • Thanks so much! I appreciate your kind words. 🙂

      It’s taken me such a long time to get to this place. I feel like this will always be a struggle and/or lingering in the back of my mind, but maybe over time it will be to much lesser of a degree and I’ll be able to turn the thoughts off much quicker. My weight issues over the years put me on an endless merry-go-round. I’d wait until I was a certain weight to do things I wanted to do, but in the meantime my life wasn’t full and I wasn’t happy because all of the good stuff that makes life worth living was put on hold. Being unfulfilled lead to more binges, weight issues, feelings of failure, etc and I never got anywhere. I’m excited for reaching this point and moving forward.

      I agree. My boyfriend gets so annoyed for me. He’d totally put the guy in his place. I’m just way too nice. The trainer told me he’s going to give me a free session. I’m going to hold him to it! They’re so ready to take away a session from you if you miss, but they seem to have no consequences for doing the same. Thanks for stopping by!

  3. Hi darling! Just catching up–so glad you’re in a good place. Me too! 😀 We should schedule a late night Skype date; I’ve had horrible insomnia the last 2 nights! But let’s try to schedule something anyway–I feel like I have lots to tell you! 🙂

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