It’s Friday! Yay!!! I’ve been looking forward to today since…..well, since Sunday night. LOL. Is that bad? 😉
I haven’t mentioned it, but I’ve been kind of depressed lately. I don’t know if it’s the change in weather, feeling overwhelmed with life in general (work, obligations, searching for a car before my current lease is up, fixing my car before turning it in, not having time for myself), worrying about Rob, or being disappointed that I haven’t been able to do certain things just yet. I’m kind of taking each day as it comes and getting through it as best I can. I really need a few mental health days, but I don’t think that will happen until the new year, which seems so far off right now. Anyway….
Do you ever find that the more you know about a certain subject the more confusing things can be? Do you find it more difficult to just take what others say and go with it? I was thinking about this as I was driving into work this morning. As we know, I can be my own worst enemy, especially when it comes to nutrition/fitness. I’ve read so many things and spoken with so many professionals over the years. Everyone out there has a different theory and reason why their method is best. Certain information contradicts other information and can be quite confusing when you’re trying to make sense of it all.
When I initially lost the bulk of my weight in high school it was like I was working with a clean slate. I had no idea about nutrition, other than the fact that sweets and junk food probably weren’t the best choices while trying to lose weight or for good health in general. During that time, I learned more about calories, about making healthier food choices and about incorporating exercise into my routine. It was very basic, but it worked.
Over the years, my obsession with nutrition and fitness grew. It seems I can no longer rely on the basics that helped me to reach my initial goal. Back then, a personal trainer set my meals up for me and I blindly followed her advice….and it worked. Now, I find that I question EVERYTHING. I need to know “why” something is set up a certain way, how they came to the conclusion of what my intake should be and how come things might be different from something that they told me a month before. I seem to be unable to just receive information and go with it. I’m sure my life would be easier if I could take all of the questions out of the equation and listen to what I’m being told.
I was up until 1AM this morning working on nutrition. When my alarm sounded I was exhausted and sadly stumbled out of bed with no more answers than before I started my research and calculations. I mentioned to Rob, while getting ready, that I so badly wish that I didn’t know as much as I do. I wish things could just be simple again. I wish that I could be like my sisters and mom, not worrying about the component of nutrients that make up a meal. They don’t weigh their food or worry if a meal doesn’t have protein. They are able to pick up a cookie if they crave it and eat it without guilt. The last time my brain was free to do any of those things was when I was a child. I wish I could go back.
I find this to be the case in many areas of my life, but I see it most in my nutrition/fitness, because it is something I’m constantly focused on. Is this something that you deal with in areas of your life?
I actually think that my desire to step on stage is because I already do so many of the things that competitors do. I just don’t have the body that shows how much I put into it all….and that frustrates me. I’ve put so much time and energy into this over the years that other areas of my life now aren’t what they should be. I wish I had other passions that were strong enough to allow me to escape my own mental prison.
In the grand scheme of things there are so many worse things that I could be dealing with. I should be thankful for my health and all of the other positive things in my life.
Onto more important things…..Rob has his surgery scheduled for Monday, but we’re still unsure of the time. Please keep him in your thoughts. It should be a minor surgery, but it’s surgery all the same. Just want my man to not be in pain anymore. 😦
Wishing you a wonderful weekend!