I’ll Never Quit

Hi Friends!

  We have some major meetings being held in our office this week with many of our off site coworkers in attendance.  There has been a build up of both excitement and chaos in the air and people are working in what seems to be double time in order to keep up. 

Every quarter we have a company-wide meeting to review the past quarter and set goals for the next.  I love that our company does this.  It sets everyone on the same page and unites us in working toward the same goals.

I have to say, I feel lucky to be working here.  We work hard, but the company does such nice things to reward people for their extra efforts.  I’ve also learned quite a bit since starting here in April, which I always appreciate.  I think it’s important to keep the old noggin challenged, ya know?

With everything going on at work, Rob being away, lack of sleep and the start of a new lifestyle plan (nutrition and exercise) I knew the inevitable was bound to happen.  I just didn’t know when.  I found out on Saturday though.

I always told myself that I would be upfront and honest on my blog.  I don’t want to sugar coat my struggles with my eating disorder in any way, because I know there are others going through the exact same thing.  I don’t want you to think that one day I was having problems and they magically disappeared overnight (even though I wish I could say that).

Whenever I don’t quite know what to do with my eating I tend to lean towards not eating enough.  Without fail, this ends up hurting me over time, because there’s only so much we can put our bodies through before they rebel, which mine did.

I won’t go into much detail, but I will say that over the past 3 days I’ve had some binge issues.  I felt it coming on over the past week.  I was so hungry, yet I wouldn’t listen to my body.  I went by the numbers I was calculating rather than how my body felt.  In the end, my body screamed out to me for help, resulting in the binges and complete disappointment in myself. 

I was doing so good before this past weekend. It had been months since my last problem.  I find that this happens when I try to go to extremes with my body and this served as a reminder to be kind to myself and to truly listen to what my body needs instead of what’s on a sheet of paper.

Rob and I have a great relationship.  Even when I’m embarrassed and/or disappointed in myself it’s easy for me to let him know when I’ve had a problem.  Sunday I text him that I wished I could just be normal.  He responded that he wouldn’t love me that way. LOL.  Have I mentioned how much I love that man?  LOTS!

Being with Rob has shown me how important it is to fill my life with things that I’m interested in and with good people.  For so long if someone asked me what I wanted to do or what I liked my response would be either “I don’t know” or “I don’t care”.  He doesn’t allow me to get away with those answers anymore.  He knows that it’s important for me to voice my opinion and be happy with the things going on in my life.

I’m happy to say that I’ve made steps in the right direction with that.  Blogging is one of those things that help in fulfilling me.  It’s been a way to get things weighing me down off of my shoulders and also a way to meet like-minded people.  I have so many other passions that I would like to pursue and I’m on my way to going after each and every one! 

Filling my life with good things and speaking up have definitely played a huge role in helping me beat my eating disorder.  There’s just one piece of the puzzle left.  That piece has to do with my nutrition.   Whenever the little devil on my shoulder whispers to me that I could shave off a few calories here or there I’m going to fight back…..before my body does it for me.

Time to get back up, brush myself off and get moving in the right direction again.  One thing is for sure, no matter how many times I fall, I will never quit. 

Sorry this post was kind of choppy.  Just a lot on my mind right now.  I hope this Tuesday has been a Terrific one for you!

Kim

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4 thoughts on “I’ll Never Quit

  1. I can SO relate to this, Kim. Good for you for not beating yourself up too much. Recovery is a process–maybe one that never ends, you know? Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be in a place where I will be completely recovered. I think it just takes time to find your balance and what works for you. Like you, I’m just now figuring out what I want and what I like and I think it’s an important step. When negative thoughts creep in, I think about how I’ll feel if I let myself binge and why it is that I really want to binge. A lot of times it doesn’t even have anything to do with food–it’s just a way to escape feeling something else. Since I’ve become more self-aware, I feel like I do much better with staying in a healthy place. Anyway, hope you’re feeling better now! Sending you a big HUG! 🙂

    • Aww, thanks Melissa! I think the same thing. I’m not sure if it will ever completely go away; however, I think that the way we handle things might get better over time. What used to take me a week to recover now might only take me a day. I found that there are two reasons why I end up having the problem. The first is when I’m stressing and I use it as a way to zone out. The second is if I skimp on eating enough for too long, which (I think) results in my body taking over for me. I’m feeling much better. Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate it and send you a hug back! I hope that we both can one day say that we fully recovered or at least beat it many more times than not. 🙂

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