Tug-of-War

Hi Friends!

Happy Friday to you!!  I can’t begin to tell you how happy I am that only 6 ½ hours are separating me from the weekend.  🙂

The week actually flew by.  I felt very productive and MUCH better than I did last week.  Even though the bug was on its way out it was time for my monthly friend (we’ll call her Sally) to pay a visit, which absolutely drained me. 

As I get older my symptoms seem to get worse and worse.  I used to think people were joking when they spoke about PMS.  One of my roommates in college would have to lay in her bed, gathered up in a ball for the first few days.  My symptoms were always very mild….until a couple of years ago.  With all the crying you hear me speaking about you know I’m an emotional person, but the week before and during my friend my emotions are heightened 10 fold.  This time, I have been very calm, but the exhaustion is really getting to me.  Last night, all I could do was lay down when I got home from work.  One look at me and Rob said that we would just order in.  He knows how it affects me.  It probably doesn’t help that I have low iron in general, which we found out after some blood work last week.

So, we each enjoyed our favorite salads from our favorite go-to restaurant while watching tv.  I spent the remainder of the night falling in and out of sleep as I was cuddled up to Rob watching our shows.  I can’t wait for Sally to be on her way.  I haven’t had energy in almost two weeks now.  I’m ready to be back to normal!

Aside from all that, this week has actually been a good one.  My work load has been pretty tame (knock on wood) and I was able to take my lunch break a few times this week (always a good thing).  My position here allows me to dabble in a bunch of different types of projects, which keeps my mind busy on positive things and also helps in building my skills. 

Unfortunately, my mind has been working overtime and I’ve been having some issues with ED mentality lately.  I’ve been calculating a lot and focusing more on calories and food than I should be.  I mentioned it to Rob last night and I don’t think he quite understood what I meant, even though he was very sincere and gave me thoughtful answers.  I was also half asleep when I was telling him, so things might not have been expressed as clearly as I would have liked.  I’m thinking about possibly seeing a nutritionist to see if that might help.  There always seems to be an inner struggle with me and ED.  Sometimes it’s an easy win for me and others it’s an all out TUG-of-WAR. 

I’m determined to win in the end though!

Even with my mental struggle this week, there was actually a moment as I was walking down one of the corridors at work that I felt a moment at peace.  I shut my eyes for that split second and know that I smiled.  I’m not quite sure what brought it on, but I was feeling thankful for all of the good in my life.  I work for a great company amongst some friendly & sincere people, I have a wonderful family (with a mother I cherish), and the best boyfriend (who loves & supports me….my partner).  For whatever reason, at that moment it all hit me and it was powerful enough for me to close my eyes, smile and relish the moment.  Luckily for me there was no one else in the hallway at that time. 😉

Those good things are what I have to keep at the forefront of my mind.  Those are the things that will matter when I’m old and gray, sitting on a porch swing somewhere, one day.  I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

Ok, I best be getting back to work.  I hope this Friday goes quickly for you and that the weekend brings you only wonderful things!

Kim

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