Knots in My Stomach

Happy Friday!

I can’t wait to do the Friday Happy Dance when the whistle blows at 5 tonight.  I am SO READY to start the weekend.  I would say that I woke up doing the happy dance, just knowing that today is Friday, but I can’t lie.  I woke up this morning with a knot in my stomach.  I believe the knot is there because I am a perfectionist. 

Perfectionist

-noun

1.  a person who adheres to or believes in perfectionism.

2. a person who demands perfection of himself, herself, or others

-adjective

3. of, pertaining to, or distinguished by perfection or perfectionism

The knot has slowly been growing with my work load and feeling like I might let something slip through the cracks here.  I question my skills and abilities to perform my best.  I worry that something major will go wrong because of something I’ve done or have forgotten to do.  At the rate this is going I’m going to end up with an ulcer!  There have been a few days this week where I sat at my desk with tears forming in my eyes.  I didn’t let them slip down my cheek, but they were there.  I’m feeling overwhelmed.

I woke up this morning and the first thing I said to Rob was “I don’t want to go.”  He said that he didn’t either. LOL.  I guess we all feel that way at times, huh?  I dragged my feet to the bathroom to take a shower, got ready, got hugs from Rob, told him again that I didn’t want to go and then was out the door, sipping my protein shake as I went.

The thing is, I do love it here.  I love the sense of accomplishment and the people who I work with.  I need to work on my coping skills otherwise I know this won’t be good. 

Want to know the truth?  I ended up having an eating problem the other night, after SO MANY weeks of no binges, because of my stress level.  It was a way to just zone out and not worry for a few minutes.  It, by far, was not as bad as binges from the past, but it still was a binge which isn’t healthy (mentally or physically).

Anyway….plans for the weekend?  Nothing set in stone just yet.  I’m hoping for a relaxing night at home tonight.  Tomorrow, if there’s enough wind, I’ll have my first kite-boarding lesson of the season.  If I don’t post by Monday someone come looking for me.  I might have been blown away!  😉

Rob has plans with his brother on Sunday and I might possibly make a drive to CT to see my mom.  I miss her so much!  There’s so much to do at the house though (groceries, cleaning, laundry, etc).  I know it’ll be weighing on my mind and I won’t fully be able to enjoy myself.  I never made it to the store last weekend, so we basically just have drinks in the fridge right now.  I definitely have to make a grocery run!

I also foresee a sweaty gym sesh in my future.  I think it will help in fighting the stress and make me feel a lil better.  I’m going to see if one of the trainers can take my body fat for me.  I weigh 10 lbs more than my happy weight right now, but I’m fitting in pants that I used to wear at that weight, so my body composition must have changed.  Yay for lifting and eating right!

Ok, time to get back to work.  I just wanted to pop in, get the anxiety off of my chest AND to say hello to you, of course!

Wishing you a speedy Friday and a Fab Weekend! 🙂

Kim

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