Happy Friday, Peeps!
Are you doing the Friday happy dance yet? It turns out that yesterday ended up being my Friday. My office can be pretty lax and with the snowy weather hitting us today I was told that I didn’t have to go in. I most definitely didn’t argue about that. Snow day for me! That’s the 2nd one in two weeks!! 🙂 Unlike my last job, my coworkers who have power are very understanding and down to earth. As long as we get our work done they don’t mind us taking a longer break, coming in a little late or leaving early. I can see them cracking down if people started to take advantage of it, but no one does and it just works for us.
As I mentioned in a more recent post, life has been very rollercoaster like for me. My lows have been extreme lows lately. I cry myself to sleep hugging my teddy bear (my first stuffed animal). Unfortunately, I have more of these nights than not lately and I didn’t know what was going on with me. A little over a month ago I started seeing my therapist again. Last night I had a major break through. I can’t even tell you the feeling of relief I have. I feel like a weight that I’ve carried on my shoulders for almost 30 years has been lifted.
I’m a pretty shy and passive person. I’ve always tried to take the path of least resistance, hoping to make everyone’s lives easier. After a few sessions with my therapist, a lot of reflective thought and some deep conversations with my boyfriend I realized that for most of my life I’ve felt disregarded and not good enough. I always felt like I was working to gain approval, especially from my dad. I felt that my opinion, likes, feelings just didn’t matter. There were times that I would be in the middle of a conversation, someone would interrupt on a completely different topic, focus would be brought to them and it was like I had never been speaking at all. So, instead of making my opinion/feelings known to others I started to just hold things inside. After I mentioned this to my therapist she told me, “because you suppressed your voice your eating disorder became your voice.” As soon as she made that statement it all clicked. I’m not upset at anyone for the way things were handled in the past, but I am so (SO) relieved to know how I got to the point that I’m at today. Now, I FINALLY feel like I can move forward. I feel like this eating disorder won’t be eating at my livelihood anymore. Sure, there are going to be slip-ups. I just need to learn how to cope with situations better and make my voice heard, because I AM IMPORTANT and DESERVE IT.
So, my friends, I’m now going to cozy up with a mug of tea and a good book. I drove down to Long Island this morning so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the snow later on. My boyfriend is still at work and I’m thinking I might whip up a special dinner for when he arrives home.
Wishing you a speedy work day and a wonderful weekend!