My emotions have been looking something like this lately:
I’ve been through some loops…
Now, it feels like I’m in the midst of taking a plunge and am almost at my lowest low.
The thing is, I know my life isn’t horrible. I know there are people out there with far worse problems than me. I see people with severe disabilities doing remarkable things, beating the odds and proving that nothing is going to get in the way of them living their best life. So, why have I allowed this to control me for over a decade?
Every morning my mom and I chat on the phone during our drives into work. We don’t get to see each other often, so it’s a nice way to start the day and stay connected. Usually, I’m bubbly and talkative. Today I was the complete opposite, giving one word answers without any enthusiasm. My mom started to fish when I told her that I wasn’t looking forward to Thanksgiving. She knows me too well. She knows that the holidays are some of my favorite times, especially Thanksgiving. She asked how my night went. I said, “what do you mean?” She asked about my eating and I burst into tears. I told her that I need help and that I just can’t keep living like this anymore. I have too many financial responsibilities and if I didn’t I would stop working to take care of myself, but that obviously isn’t an option.
In usual mom fashion she calmed me down. Not before my face became a makeup streaked mess though.
Luckily, I was able to blend it all together and not look like a clown.
I promised her I’d reach out for help today. I just can’t go another 13 years battling the same battle. Heck, I don’t even want to go another month, never mind years! I made contact and now am waiting to hear back. Hopefully, I can find some peace soon.
Sorry to be such a downer. I do hope that your day is going much better than mine though!! At least it’s almost the weekend, right?! 🙂