Long time no talk! I’m sorry for disappearing on you like that. I hope there are some of you still out there interested in hearing about my musings and shenanigans.
Can you believe it’s already October?!?! Where did the summer go? 😦 That’s ok. There are so many wonderful things about the fall to look forward to and those things will start this weekend for me. I’ll be heading up towards the Albany area to visit my brother during his college’s family weekend. More about that in a bit. I just need to get a little black cloud off of my chest first.
I’m not going to lie. Things have been pretty bad lately. I can’t seem to snap myself out of this funk I’ve been in. My mind has literally been making my body sick, if that makes any sense. I can totally bring it all onto myself because I tend to over think things….a lot. For some reason, I’ve been in a reflective mood recently and I have a number of regrets. Tuesday night I was curled up in a ball on my couch with tears streaming down my face. I can’t pinpoint exactly what the reason was for the tears. I think it’s a whole sum of things that have been building up in my mind and that was their way of coming out for me.
This negativity has been building up for months. I continued walking through the paces of life and putting that fake smile on my face. Over the years, I think I’ve mastered the art of that smile. While those tears were flowing on Tuesday, I text my sister to see if she might be able to take my mom up for Family Weekend on Saturday because I didn’t know if I’d be able to keep the act up.
Unfortunately, she was committed to doing something else, but she also didn’t allow me to continue with my pity party. She had no sympathy for me and bluntly stated that I can either chose to live my life positively or negatively. Of course, I wasn’t in the right frame of mind at the time. Instead, I chose to continue on with my grumpy mood.
She’s completely right though. There’s nothing that I can do about my past. No amount of wishes, tears, stargazing, candle blowing, wishbone breaking or praying can take me back to do things over. What I CAN do is wipe the tears away and start today in making my life what I’d like it to be. That’s the only way I can prevent more regret in the years to come.
I truly have so much in my life that I am thankful for and I have to keep all of those positives in the forefront of this crazy mind of mine. I’m thinking that maybe I should create a list or even make up a poster board that I can leave out to look at when I’m down.
I’m going to try to leave all the negativity with September’s end and start October with a clean slate. Sounds good, right? Right! So, onto some positives….
October is a ridiculously packed month for me. It all starts this weekend, heading up to my brother’s college. My mom and I have been making the drive together over the past few years. It’s nice because my favorite aunt and uncle (Hi Aunt Patty & Uncle Mike!) live about 15-20 minutes from my brother’s school and we get to visit with them while we’re up that way. We spend the overnight at their house and I always wake up Sunday morning to the aroma of fresh coffee and conversation coming from the kitchen. Don’t you just love tradition? I do. There’s a feeling of comfort that surrounds me as a result of it. Anyway, I can pretty much guarantee coffee (made by my uncle) and the best egg white sandwich around (made by my aunt). There’s a cute little market around the corner from their house that we normally walk to if the weather is nice, which it’s supposed to be this weekend. 🙂 I’m definitely looking forward to family time!
Over the course of this month, I also have an awards dinner to go to for work, a rehearsal dinner, a wedding AND…..I’m going to Bermuda!! It’ll be my first time out of the country and I’m excited for the new experience!
So, I have plenty of good to look forward to. Enough of all that negativity!!
I hope this Friday finds you well. It’s a wet and windy one here in CT. I wish I had a boat, because if I did I would have driven that to work today. Hopefully, the rain and wind will die down by the time I get out of here to start the weekend! Wishing you a great one! I hope to be back at some point on Saturday or Sunday with updates from up north.