Happy Thursday to you! The weekend is so close I can almost taste it. I am looking forward to sleeping in, relaxation and two days without thinking about work. Sleep is definitely something I’ve been lacking lately. I feel like a zombie that has been running on mugs of coffee for days. I haven’t taken the train once this week because I always seem to be running behind in the morning, due to not being able to pull my lazy bum out of bed when it’s supposed to be.
Not sure if you’ve noticed, but I really haven’t been posting about my successes, stats, workout sessions or binges. I guess that’s because I’ve been on a downward spiral lately and am feeling embarrassed. This is my forum to let it all out though and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I think that self-reflection has always been a positive for me. It’s good for me to get it off my chest and to see my thoughts in writing.
My clothes still fit. I’m just not wearing the size I’d like to be wearing. I’m also SCARED TO DEATH to even put my pinky toe on the scale……so, I’m not going to for now. I’m so annoyed at myself that I can’t even express it! What’s that saying about Insanity?
No, not that kind!! Although, I’d love those abs! 😉
I believe Albert Einstein described it best with the saying, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” That’s the path I’ve been on lately. I’m not happy with the (lack of) results, so I know I have to make some changes. This is what has led me to refocus, reevaluate & recommit to my goals. From the outside, most people in my daily life figure that I’m this happy-go-lucky girl. They don’t realize the struggles I go through on a daily basis to be healthy, fight off binges and to sometimes pull myself out of the black hole that is my depression. I remember having a childhood friend whose life seemed perfect to me (her entire family seemed perfect, actually), but my mom always reminded me that we never truly know what’s going on in a person’s life. I try to remind myself about that.
Anyway, I was shopping for some clothes last night because I’m desperately in need of so many things and the thought crossed my mind that I wished I never had to worry about my weight the way I have since childhood. I wish I could experience for just once what it would be like. I know there are so many worse problems I could have and feel silly for my wish. I honestly acknowledge that, but this has encompassed so much of my thoughts and my life ever since I was a child.
Ok, back to refocusing, reevaluating and recommitting….Last summer, I was content in my body. I want that body and that girl back! So, last night I started delving into what the problem might be. I’ve been trying to follow an intuitive eating lifestyle, but in the back of my mind I know I still tally points and am afraid to eat certain foods. I keep wondering where my motivation and willpower have gone, in order to be my best me. So, in the midst of watching Big Brother, I decided to track what I had eaten for the day. I was amazed to find I had only eaten about 750 calories. WHAT?!?! Mentally, I was tracking Weight Watcher points, which is why I thought I was ok. No wonder I never have energy and always have the urge to binge. My body needed food and that was its way of letting me know!
Now that I have that figured out, I’m creating a program for myself to consume more and get back into my workouts. I should be back on track in no time! I can and will do this!! I’m not far from reaching my goals. I just have to set my mind to recommitting to what I know is healthy for my body and my mind.
I’d love to have your support and a lil kick in the rear, when you think I need it. Tough love is appreciated here. As long as it’s coming from the heart and is meant to be helpful it’s total welcome.
I’m going to be away this weekend, but these are my goals starting Monday, August 2nd. I may or may not have a trip in October that I should be beach ready for that will give me an extra bit of motivation to do what I need to do. 😉
My Beach Body Challenge:
- Workout at least 4x/week.
- Get back to lifting weights. I miss my muscle! I may also like being able to outshine the boys in the weight room. 😉
- Consume enough calories.
- Drink ~ 1 gallon of water/day.
- Take a multivitamin daily.
- Get back to journaling (food & workouts to make sure I’m on track, but also my thoughts).
- Take measurements 1x/month.
- Wake up earlier to go to the gym before work.
- Prep on the weekends and in the evening.
- Go to bed earlier.
- Lose ~15lbs, by the end of October (totally doable in a healthy manner).
- Do the little things that make me feel good, instead of punishing myself for not being where I’d like to be just yet.
- Treat myself to something new.
- Be better about accessorizing and put more thought into my outfits.
That’s all I can think of for now. What do you think about all of this? Any suggestions for me?
Have a great day!!