Decisions, Decisions

Ok, so after a comment from Lisa and some self-reflection, I realized that my current meal plan probably isn’t the best thing for me.  I knew it all along, but sometimes you just need someone else’s voice to make it a reality.  Sometimes you start second guessing that maybe you just don’t have enough will power.  I think that I keep returning to this program because I wonder why so many others are fine with it and I just can’t get it right.  I beat myself up about it.  Each of us is unique though.  What works for some won’t work for others.  I’ve put my body through so much over the years and I have to be careful of certain triggers that may send me down an unhealthy path.  It was when I had to cut a small apple into a 1/4 to eat with my first meal that I KNEW this wasn’t going to be right for me.  Who only wants a quarter of an apple???

So, I decided that meal-wise I’m going to tweak my program in order to make it work for me.  Unfortunately, I ended up having a binge last night.  The feeling in my tummy today is a constant reminder of that.  I know why it happened.  Feeling restricted and also not getting enough in earlier in the day totally set me up for it.  I don’t want it to happen again, so I’m making the necessary changes.  I do, however, LOVE (LOVE, LOVE) my workout program.  I will keep that up with my healthy eats and see where it takes me.  The whole point of my journal was to push me to LIVE my life, right?  Right!  Being on that type of meal plan would only hold me back because of my personality type.

For example, Friday night I was going to a gallery opening for a coworker of mine.  A group of us stopped for dinner beforehand.  There were a lot of healthy options, but they didn’t necessarily follow the guidelines of my plan.  I sat there biting my nails.  I was almost sweating making the decision.  What should have been a relaxing, fun occasion became a stressful one for me.  I almost canceled on them because I knew eating out was going to be a problem for me.  I wanted to be there for my coworker and support him though.  I work with some truly great people and I wasn’t going to let my issues get in the way of being there for someone.  Eating out should not be stressful!  I should not make others uncomfortable being around me during meal times.

I have to hand it to my mom.  She warned me about this.  I’ve tried this program a number of times.  Every time I mention it she breaks out into her own sweat.  My mom has been to hell and back with me, in regard to all of my weight issues.  She wants me to be happy, healthy and to see the person that everyone else sees.  I’m getting there….slowly, but surely.  This past time, when I mentioned I was going to do it, she reminded me that I told her NOT to let me do it again.  Have I mentioned that besides being a perfectionist I am STUBBORN?  I disregarded her advice.  In so doing, I was also disregarding the voice of a me from the past.  One that knew this wasn’t good and didn’t want the future me to go through it again.  Here I stand…again.  At least I didn’t let it get out of hand this time.

So, my decision stands.  A tweaked meal plan with my provided workout plan it will be.  I’ll let ya know how it goes and if things ever don’t seem quite right with my eating, let me know.  I won’t take it the wrong way at all.  🙂


4 thoughts on “Decisions, Decisions

  1. are you doing the new SOS thing by chance? Just trying to guess what plan you are on.

    Throw away the plan–keep doing the workouts if you like em, but dont tweak the plan–just throw it away.

    I wrote a post last week titled “Change.” It was about how my mom surprised me to go to lunch last week. I had planned on eating a healthy quesadilla at home–but she wanted to go get Pei Wei. I knew in the past I would’ve flipped. Stressed, anxious, nervous..what will I eat..nothing will fit into my plan. and then, I’d always overeat bc I was stressing myself out so much.

    Not last time..I went with it and ordered the Kids Chicken Lo Mein b/c Ireally wanted some noodles and then I had them add veggies to bulk the meal up a bit. Perfect, felt satisfied and didn’t over eat.

    You’ll get there…you’ve just gotta put this plan and dieting stuff behind you. It’s the only way. Oh, and read Intuitive Eating. It’ll all start to make sense.


  2. You know me too well. 🙂 Yes, I figured I’d give it a shot. I’ll send you an e-mail to go into more detail. I feel like plans/diets are such a part of me because I’ve been on one since elementary school. It’s hard to break, but I know I’m going to get there one day. Intuitive Eating will be the next thing I read, after I finish Breaking Dawn. Only a little bit longer to go! Thanks, Lisa! 🙂

  3. oh and dont feel about trying the new SOS thing. I was seriously tempted. Its always nice to see promises of a better body etc, but I quickly said no. Not for me anymore…SOS was really what put me over the edge in terms of my relationship with food.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s